How to get licensed.

I remember getting my license in Canada. You get a token, you wait in line, you get an instructor, you pass the test, you give them ur SIN card (for lack of a better ID) and pose for a drowsy looking photo while getting your eyes checked. To assume that this would be a normal process in most countries is really far fetched. And I learnt it the hard way....

Day 1
7am - knock knock "WAKE UP CHINKY"
- "Dad, why can't I just take a cab there later on?"
- Because you won't be taken seriously. and you need a shitload of documents.
- "I'm awake"

So we go to the RTA - (Road and Transport Authority), to get my Canadian license transferred to a valid UAE license. I was pretty excited, not gonna lie. We strut over to the "help desk" only to find a drowsy looking guy who legitimately seemed disturbed to see people in front of him.

- "Hi, I have a Canadian driver's license and need to get a UAE license"
- "Fill out this form"
- Required on this form are

1.  2 passport sized photos
2.  copy of ur passport with visa page
3.  current driver's license
4.  an eye test
5.  letter from your sponsor.
    

Jeezus - would you like an arm with that!? But it doesn't end there, we knew that we would have to get a letter from the Canadian consulate as well. So just to clarify:

"Do we need a letter from the Canadian consulate?""YES. and also your [my dad's] passport and visa copy"
"Thanks genius"

9am at this point ; I was expecting to be home and back in bed. Instead, my Dad and I are cruising down Sheikh Zayed Rd (the 401 of dubai) jamming to Chaka Khan's "I'm every woman" on the radio. Yes, we are on our way to get a letter from Canada to say my license is legit.

"Get off in front of UNB and go behind Bur Juman"
"Dad, you're actually speaking code to me right now"
"Just get off here and go towards the Canadian flag"
"Got it"

7th floor is Canada- literally. I get there and it's red and white and glorious everywhere with poppies in front of every counter. Ok, there were only 2 counters. But it felt like home! (Except for the part where they confiscated my phone and made me walk through a metal detector)

"Hi, I'm here to get a letter to validate my driver's license"

"No problem, come back in the afternoon between 12 and 2, we will have it ready for u"
"Um, I have an appointment at 1, is it possible I can get it any earlier?" (Lies, I just like to challenge authority)
"Yes, it's not too busy, you can wait a half hour and get it"

Great! I needed a break from my blackberry anyways - I'm sure I can sit here in solitude and pretend i'm in Ontario for a while.

15 minutes later: "Hi, ms. Merwin? Your papers are ready" - "That'll be 60 dirhams"I handed them over a 100 dirham bill which was immediately declined "I have no change, however, you can go to the supermarket downstairs and get change"

I go downstairs leaving my phone and valuables in the hands of Canada for a quick money transaction, only to find no "supermarket" . I took a walk around the ENTIRE block... only to find a convenience store right behind the building. Lovely.  

I walked up the flight of stairs only to realize it was the wrong door  - had to walk back down only to miss the last stair completely and FALL right on my ass. 
HOW EMBARASSING. 

yes, it was a full out fall.

yes, there were people around.

yes, it was a busy office building.
yes, i'm sure I made somebody's day. 

yes, it reminded me of cancun - except this time my ass was broken and not my face.

yes, i hate stairs.

no, it wasn't slippery

no, I wasn't boozed up

Dusting off and moving on, I put my shades on and went back to Canada, got my letter and bounced quickfast. Those shades stayed on for the rest of my day...even on the train home.  

 Day 2

"CHINKY WAKE UP"
"whatchu talkin bout?"
"Driving you to get your license again"
"UGH. i'm up, i'm up"

How am I standing infront of this drowsy ass guy for the second day in a row?! Excuse me for disturbing you from your serenity, but I need a token. "Here are my documents as required"
"Please wait in line your number 950 - here's ur token"

15 minutes later we see 952 on the board. Excuse me?

That's a fight. The people working at the RTA are actually the worst employees I have encountered, even worse than at DU . Other than looking unprofessional (chatting it up, giggling, taking coffee breaks, walking around after each person they serve, calling up the wrong sequence of numbers), they don't really do much.

What a joke. 420 dirhams, 10 minutes and 2 complaints later, I posed for a mug shot and walked out of there with a fresh license in my hands. AND, you would think that it would be the end of my story.

False.

My Dad was
1) running late to work
2) out of gas in his car (ofcourse)
3) out of cash in his wallet - thanks to the RTA.

"Chinky, do you have any money?" - implying I should take a cab or the train

"No"

"Do you have a nol card" - referring to the metro pass

"No"

"What a loser"

Wait, did my Dad just call me a loser?

"Walk home"

I was literally dropped off on the sidewalk with my new driver's license in my hand. Just like that.

7.30am . Guess what my Dad's doing in the kitchen balcony?

 

Those spaceship looking things on the road are train stations. This is across from "Bur Juman" and close to where I fell on my ass.

This how I used to imagine train platforms would look  in the future



Airport or Train station? .. Walkators are so necessary.



What is a train station without a chandelier?! Impossible. 

DUBAI METRO. finally got on this damn thing! next time, i'm getting on the "ladies" section. Creep alert.

Literally a shack. No wonder the drivers in the UAE are so bad.

Pretty decor does not compensate for stupid employees. I can't

"AW YEAH, LICENSE, YEA" -Yes, that is a Jersey Shore reference. whatchu gon do? this is me looking fantastic at 8am.